If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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