I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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