Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
