at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
