He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
