She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
