dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
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Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
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You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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