Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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