my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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