I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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