I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
