it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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