Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
