just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
