These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
