he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
