so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
