I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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