There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
