people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
