Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
