I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
