i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
