It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
