Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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