Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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