You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This girl is more easily done than said...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
