I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Less talking, more tequila
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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