so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
