There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
