You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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