I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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