I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
