dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
