I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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