I must be too annoying 4 u.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
