Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
