I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
