My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
