Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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