I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
