You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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