I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
