First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize