I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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