hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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