It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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