i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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