Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I didn't notice because vodka
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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