if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
