yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
