I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Randomize
