I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
