Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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