no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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