So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
