Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
