so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
