we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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