Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You did what with his pubic hair?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
