So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
