You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
