Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
