This is not my ceiling
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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