were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
