Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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