I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just found puke in my bra..
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
