why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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