I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
