Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
