I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
