He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
