That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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