My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
