I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
