I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
