last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize