She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
