Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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