There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
