Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm too high and old for this...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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