mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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