he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize