i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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