Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
