if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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