I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
